Baby # 2 Pregnancy: More than Halfway There. Whoa. Living on a Prayer
Most of you who have been reading this blog or follow me on social media know that my baby boy is the main thing that I’ve been cooking up over here lately…..
Baby # 2 is on the way this summer!
We are so happy. And excited. And just so grateful to grow our family. I posted our gender reveals on Instagram and that was a lot of fun. I had a good time with them because I knew this would be the last time I would have a gender reveal of my own.
And, while the joy in my face above is very real, and exactly how I feel about having a son, I also want to be honest and tell you that it’s been a pretty rough and very intense 5+ months to get to this point of functioning throughout the day. Getting through a day bathed and smiling is a win.
As many of you know, if you’ve been around here for a while, I had a very difficult pregnancy when I was pregnant with Talia. All 41.5 weeks were tough. Yep, they were tough AND she arrived LATE.
What about this time? How is it compared to the last time I was pregnant? It is basically the same. Even though I am having a different gender this time, it feels like a very similar pregnancy. They say all pregnancies are different – in my case, this pregnancy feels almost identical to the last.
This is the reason why things have been a little slower and quieter around here – I’ve been taking care of my child full-time, trying to keep my business afloat, and also take care of everything in between all while feeling absolutely awful.
It has been a very humbling experience.
In ways, this pregnancy is harder than the one with my first child because I feel like I hardly ever get a break and I am constantly chasing around a toddler.
On the other hand, it feels easier because Tali is very good at distracting me from my own issues since I am totally focused on what’s going on with her in her life.
Which is why it’s taken me this long to share much of anything— I am well into the 2nd trimester and am *JUST* starting to feel like I’m turning a tiny corner (although very, very slowly), when it comes to battling constant nausea. Now, I have a little more bandwidth and vibrancy coming back into my life to be able to share vs just trying to just make it through the day.
I mentioned that I am the primary parent in my house and I do the bulk of the child-rearing, but it makes me want to cry when I think about how much help and support I’ve needed and have received in this season.
For Sam — sometimes it has meant taking on the role of being two parents at once, and running many things in our lives. Whenever I need something, I only have to ask once. He knows how hard this pregnancy has been and has gone above and beyond the call of duty as a husband and father. Sam’s occupation is quite demanding, as he works 70-80 hours a week, but he has made me and Tali his top priorities since we found out I was pregnant. I mean, we always are, but now he is pulling off next level, super man kind of stuff.
My parents have also been helping, my mom in particular, by taking Talia for a few hours for two days a week. My folks even had Tali over for a sleepover for the very first time and it was incredible for everyone. They also bring us food and my mom continues to iron our clothes and offer to do our laundry. Date nights happen occasionally because my parents are there for us and beg us to go out and have some fun. They are all too happy to watch Talia for us and put her to bed.
And I can’t forget to mention our beloved Bubbie. Sam’s mom (Bubbie) comes for about a week every 4-6 weeks and her help is invaluable. She is the child whisperer, the unpacker of infinite boxes, the best dishwasher loader, and my saving grace. She allows me to feel like me again in a way that no one else can. I will never be able to repay her for that gift.
My father-in-law works full-time in the Boston area, so he can’t visit as often as Cindy, but he always shows his unwavering support as well with his generosity and kind words. He is the least judgmental and most loving father and Zayde.
There are also my close friends and extended family members keeping me afloat with daily check-ins and visits. It feels like it has taken a village to bring this baby into the world. And the trips up to Westchester from Staten Island by Aunt Elena to bring me Tiramisu, Potatoes, Onions and Eggs and anything else I’m craving are priceless. Whenever I get to see my Aunt, I know I am going to feel restored and have a good day.
So with all the joy, happiness, and support that I do feel, I also just want to mention that the journey to growing a family— however that happens— is rarely picture perfect. Or easy.
Babies are true miracles, no matter how they come into their families. I call Talia “my miracle baby” and baby boy is a miracle too. Both of my children were conceived via IUI. (Read here if you want to read more about the IUI procedure and what it was with like when I got pregnant at the end in 2019). With Talia, it took us a 1.5 years to get pregnant with her and with that came a handful of surgeries and procedures that cost somewhere between $10-15K.
With baby boy, we started trying naturally, but once we saw it wasn’t working and knew that we didn’t really have fertility nor time on our side (both of us were 36 going on 37), we decided to get help getting pregnant through intervention.
After two rounds of IUIs – I got pregnant. Just like I did with Talia.
I truly think part of the reason the first tries didn’t take with both of the IUIs is because I did WAAAAY too much afterwards like host people for the weekend or go to a neighborhood block party to meet new people and then make an elaborate dinner. when I got home.
The times that the IUIs worked were when I took the rest of the weekend to rest (all of my IUI procedures took place on a Saturday). And when I mean rest- I mean HARDLY got out of bed or off the couch. Which is not easy for me to do, but I think it’s necessary.
I also went on a 6-week partial elimination diet before conceiving both of my children – meaning that I gave up gluten, dairy, alcohol, and sugar. I have no idea if this low-inflammatory diet helped me get pregnant, but I figured I would give it a shot because I wanted to at least try and up my chances of getting knocked up any way that I potentially could.
And now that I am knocked up, I can say that a plus side to this pregnancy vs the last has been not going through pregnancy during the peak of a global pandemic. Pregnancy can feel isolating at points. Weeks 20 to birth and early motherhood with Tali felt that way for me when the world shut down in March 2020.
This time, I feel so much less alone. I also have put less pressure and expectations on myself, which is not always easy for me to do since I’m a “doer.” When I was pregnant with Tali, I felt so much guilt for hating the feeling of being pregnant since it took me so long to get pregnant.
Now? No guilt for feeling that way. F*ck that.
Being pregnant can feel like there are so many ups and downs, with so many different emotions at so many different parts in the journey. And it’s different for everyone. I can accept that this time around.
For the first 21 weeks of this pregnancy, I was chronically nauseated. So why should I have to LIKE being pregnant?? When I say chronic, I mean all day, every day.
When I was pregnant with T and I would see another “mom-to-be” post how much she LOVED being pregnant, and felt nauseous for a few weeks or a month, then was just glowing and happy, and eating good food – I would feel kind of triggered. The message was that if you’re healthy and take care of yourself, your pregnancy should be easy. I couldn’t help but compare myself. So many times I had to catch myself. To stop comparing. To stop looking at other people’s experiences and measuring mine to theirs in pregnancy. What’s the point?
It took all I had sometimes, but I would then have to tell myself: This is all happening for you. This experience, although shitty feeling and uncomfortable, is here to show you something. What is this here to show you, or point out?
Maybe it was the shame I felt as someone who had such a hard time getting pregnant feeling like they hated pregnancy.
Maybe it was aggravation that came up because food that I normally felt nourished by made me want to hurl.
This time, my perspective has been different. It has been mentally way healthier and I’ve been easier on myself in many aspects of life. But, I have gotten a bit triggered when I see another pregnant mom entrepreneur working away on big projects with her gorgeous pregnant belly and saying how she loved the creative process that pregnancy brings into her life.
Meantime, I would often be reading this while laying on the bathroom floor, dying to work and create and help people and do things with my time… but couldn’t. That surrender has been hard for me this time around because I was able to work throughout my first pregnancy and a pandemic. Now, most of my energy goes into my toddler.
Perhaps I am triggered by this because my value as a person stems somewhat from what I do for work. My job also feels like a big part of my purpose. As an entrepreneur, when I don’t work or can’t show up, there’s no one that is going to do it for me.
Fortunately, I have that amazing support system that I mentioned above. And my daughter and her brother-to-be have become my number one priorities, so I’ve learned to shift my mindset. The time when they are little is precious and fleeting and I want to be present in my kids lives as much I possibly can.
11 weeks pregnant with baby boy & 11 weeks pregnant with Talia.
WHAT DRUGS AND SUPPLEMENTS HAVE I TAKEN:
This blog post is about full-disclosure. I am laying it all out there so that if you’re going through something similar- you don’t feel alone. Feeling that way sucks on top of feeling sucky.
I have needed to take Doxylamine-pyridoxine about 3x a day just to function. I have no idea why this was never offered to me when I was preggo with Talia. It hasn’t been a miracle drug, but it TOTALLY takes the edge off.
In the second trimester from weeks 18-20, I even needed to up it to taking Ondansetron (Zofran) on several occasions because I was truly so ill. To sleep, I’ve taken Unisom on occasion. My prenatal is a gummy by Garden of Life because my system can’t tolerate anything else whiteout becoming extremely nauseated. I also take 10,000 milligrams of d3/k2 and a B complex when I’m pregnant.
So far, I haven’t needed an iron supplement and I pray that I don't because they are no fun to take.
Until recently, the days were so slow. There were many moments where I felt so empty. So void. So sucked dry of any ounce of vibrancy. This was really the case when I had a BAD sinus infection from right after Thanksgiving until well into February. Not being able to breathe, hacking a lung, and constant headaches really pushed me over the edge. Also, you can’t take any of the good stuff to heal when you’re pregnant and that really SUCKS.
Closing on a house through early pregnancy whilst having a bad sinus infection was also quite stressful. But now that we live in our new home, so many of my other stressors have disappeared. We feel so settled in our new home and we never take it for granted for a single second.
So now that I am approaching the 6 month mark in this pregnancy, I have traded in chronic nausea for crippling acid reflux and heartburn.
Fun times.
I tried to keep things in perspective in the first half of my pregnancy and I still practice this. So much of this hurdle is also mental for me— not just physical.
So let’s talk about some of the things that have helped me in this phase of life, in case you or someone you know goes through something like this at any point in your life.
Listening to podcasts or books on audible. Whenever I had a moment of solitude, audiobooks and podcasts were my go-to’s.
Some of my favorite podcasts are:
Heather Mcmahan’s “Absolutely Not” podcast for some serious giggles.
Emma Golden Miller’s podcast “That’s What E Said” is also great because she keeps it real and I love her style not just in clothes, but just in life.
If you are looking for something long form, I have been listening to Kate Kennedy’s “Be There in Five” for years.
Lastly, “Dr. Becky Good Inside” is great if you’re a parent and you want advice from someone who seems to know her shit.
And books I’ve read this pregnancy and enjoyed include:
When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
Heartburn by Nora Ephron (second time reading it)
Luckiest Girl Alive by Jessica Knoll
Anywhere you Run by Wanda Morris
It Ends with Us by Colleen Hoover
Screaming on the Inside by Jessica Grose (great read if you are a mom or want to be a mom someday or if you are related to a mom).
Resting as much as I can–— aka asking for help in any ways possible that would allow this. Talia’s 2-3 hour naps every day is time that normally goes towards my work hours, but are now going into resting as much as possible. There were days where I couldn’t do much else.
Being mindful of my mental status most of all—- being aware of when negative thoughts come in and not letting them takeover or run the show.
Writing down all that I am grateful for. There is always so much and pen to paper makes them all pour out and can change my perspective in an instant.
I took an online course on potty training. This was a good distraction (I guess) and I need to get T potty trained to enter her 3’s class and before her brother arrives into the world. The process of potty training feels more intimidating to me than sleep training did. I am working through my own shit to figure out why I am more terrified about this than I have been for anything in a while.
Always being a student is so important in life, and times when we are in transition or not able to do our normal things can be great times to dig in to things you want to learn more about. I have been working on learning more about how to grow my business, even though I am feeling sort of stuck right now.
Having Talia come join me on the couch and snuggle….even if it lasted 5 minutes max (unless I put on Sesame Street… then I get her for as long as I want). These are some of the best moments of my day.
Epsom salt baths at night. Epsom salts clear your energetic field and help your body and nervous system relax with the magnesium. It helped me sleep and helped having something to look forward to each night.
Texting with my close girlfriends…. This always lifts my spirits.
Hydrating with electrolytes. It makes a difference to add those into your water. Trust me on this.
Spending quality time with my husband. Sam is always into me, but I feel like he is SUPER into me when I am pregnant, which is interesting because I feel like a huge beached whale. But apparently he is into the large and in charge version of his woman whom is carrying his child. We watch a show together every night and even try to carve out some time for each other around in the afternoon if he is working from home. Even if it’s only for 10 minutes. My love language is physical touch, so even a long and intentional hug from Sam can turn a bad day into a much better one. (Shows we have watched include Bad Sisters, Shrinking, The Voice, Nathan for You, and I watch Ginny and Georgia on my own).
Visiting the chiropractor 2-3 times a week. I couldn’t do this until the end of my pregnancy in 2020 because of the pandemic, so this time when I started feeling pain early on in my neck and back- I saw a great chiropractor ASAP. The consistent visits to someone I trust has really made a difference. He took x-rays of my back and neck before I got pregnant, so he really knows what to work on when I arrive.
Booking a trip. Sam and I took a trip to Turks and Caicos with JetBlue credit that was due to expire at the end of 2022. We have had to cancel 4 trips since 2020 before FINALLY getting to go to Turks for 3 nights. We both desperately needed something to look forward to and this trip hit the spot. We are very familiar with the resort we stayed at and everything just felt really easy and relaxing. Talia stayed with 3 out of the 4 of her grandparents and she loved every moment.
I just keep reminding myself that I can do hard things. That it may not be enjoyable or fun, but I know that it would all be worth it one day. Delayed gratification.
MOVEMENT:
Getting in exercise with consistency is a major game changer to my overall health. My mood becomes somewhat resentful when I have to go days on end without any form of exercise because life gets in the way (mainly motherhood duties).
These are strategies that I have implemented in my life to make sure that I carve out the time to get some movement in at least 5x a week.
Pure Barre: I joined pure barre after a 2 year hiatus (again, motherhood). It wasn’t until Talia went to school for a half day that I had the freedom to join my favorite exercise program again. Right now, they have a “March Madness Challenge” going on where clients are encouraged to take 20 classes in 31 days. This is exactly the kind of accountability that really speaks to me personally. I don’t even need a prize at the end, I just need to check the box and say that I went to class 20 times to feel accomplished (my mom says this is how she finally potty trained me — it was the magic of a sticker chart).
Not only do I love pure barre as my main form of working out, but group exercise was designed for someone like me who has little to no willpower to push themselves hard outside of peer pressure. I love that group camaraderie with exercise and the teachers and clientele at pure barre are my kind of people.
Peloton: I am left to my own devices to do this workout, but not completely. I love cycling and this bike tracks my output, so it makes me feel like I can’t slack off when I am in class. I need to push myself to see certain goals. I am very numbers oriented in that way. My parents got me the peloton when my baby shower was cancelled for Talia and it is one of the best gifts that I have ever received.
Group Chat with Exercise Pals: Every day, I chat with 3 of my girlfriends via text where we set our own movement goals and then check in with each other to report how the day went. I absolutely love this text thread and it also makes me feel accountable to get in exercise. They are all inspiring and encouraging without being competitive. We love our little group and we are the best cheerleaders for one another to keep on going!
Asking for help: I started resenting my husband because somehow he managed to work out every single day, but somehow, it was the first thing to go “bye bye” in my schedule.
No matter what, he gets in a workout. I am happy and supportive when he gets in that workout though. I really want him to have that time for himself for his physical and mental health. That is really important for me for him to have.
And plus, it’s not like the man is out doing any extracurricular activities outside of work or hanging out with me and T… and his workouts are sometimes only 15 minutes long because that is all the time he had available.
I realized that he really wasn’t the problem for my animosity — he just had zero guilt issues asking me for help so he can have the space to workout, but my guilt to leave my child to exercise consumed me.
That wasn’t really a Sam problem since he fully supports me in any way that he can to leave for a workout. It just seemed like it was impossible with his schedule to give me that time I needed to exercise. That is until I had a good game plan and would ask him in advance to take on some of the child-rearing so that I could have time to take care of myself.
He was and continues to be fully supportive and helps me out whenever he can to make sure that I can get in movement as well. He knows how important exercise is to both of us and he now makes sacrifices for me simply because I finally asked.
Ask your partner for help if you need it… they aren’t mind readers. Especially if your partner is a male… then you really have to spell it out, but if they aren’t a dummy — they will exceed your expectations and step up to the plate. I am learning to ask for more help when I need it, set more healthy boundaries for myself and the ditch the guilt.
Brisk Strolls: I haven’t been as consistent with this one since I am freezing my tatas off practically every time I go outside these days, but I try to bundle up, bring my toddler in her stroller and get out there for 20-30 minutes whenever I can to walk. My pace is slowing down the larger I get, but I try my best to keep my heart rate up (with the occasional stop when Tali demands “MORE SNACK!” She loves a good stroller snack). Once the weather is nicer, I will be out there more unless my body tells me otherwise.
CRAVINGS:
There have been a lot less cravings this pregnancy than the last. When I was pregnant with T, I was a simple carb freak the entire time. For 41.5 weeks, I could not get enough of saltines, bagels and pizza.
This time- not so much. I had that STRONG tiramisu craving one evening, but I’ve been eating more of the stuff that I usual things that I eat, just more in quantity and more often. I need to eat small, frequent meals in order to not feel terribly nauseated or have an acid reflux attack.
In an effort to make all pregnant women who feel sick less alone, I want to share the realities of what I ate in this time. I can’t tell you how many women come to me asking what they should be eating when they’re pregnant. My answer is always: Eat as much real food and nutrient dense food as possible when you are hungry for it and if you’re not – don’t sweat it. In theory, I can tell you exactly what that means and what would be ideal, but that’s been so far from my reality both of my pregnancies.
The first trimester for me this time consisted of countless servings of sourdough toast and butter. Literally nothing did the trick to make me feel like a human again like the perfect specimen that is Kerrygold butter paired with a crunchy piece of perfect bread. Just thinking about that audible crunch when you bite through the crust and the inside has a creamy color and a slight tang from a bit of levain – save for a swipe of high-quality butter or even a bit of cheese – makes my heart sing.
Pregnancy sucked in the beginning because I’m used to loving food. I’m used to feeling good from the food I eat. It’s part of my identity, part of what I believe and teach and base my whole life around. And most food made me feel terrible. Pregnancy has been one giant practice of GRACE for myself, and trying to not be so hard on myself. And to just do the best I could – to keep trying to eat real food (or as close to it as possible, but not beating myself up about it when I could not do that), and to try to think of what sounded good and upgrade it if it was possible (for example, buying a brand ginger ale made with real sugar vs the conventional brand with high fructose corn syrup). It’s not always perfect, but so many things can be upgraded if you do a little research.
The important message here for all pregnant folks is to feed yourself as best you can WITHOUT guilt, thus promoting extra added stress.
Know that your baby is going to take everything it needs from you and the nutrients you have stored up in your body from years of eating well and taking care of yourself. I really had to trust that.
So:
Mentally, I kept reminding myself to keep a bigger perspective.
The road down pregnant lane can be a physical one, but it’s always a mental, emotional and spiritual one.
I definitely have stretches of hours in the day where I can do a lot more and then there are times in the day, or days at a time that I can’t.
It’s been humbling, frustrating and hard some days, to say the least. But I have to to keep giving myself grace and counting the little wins. I think it’s one of the biggest lessons I’ll be walking out of this experience with: just how important and fortunate I am to feel like I can keep moving forward most days.
That feeling healthy and alive IS a gift not to take for granted.
It’s been such a good practice in just listening to my body (even when what it needs is wildly different than what I’m used to). It’s helped me let go of control and just surrender to exactly where I am each day, and being at peace with that. And also– a practice in resting as well as continuing to ask for and need so much help (and resting and asking for help without feeling bad about it. This is my greatest battle). It’s interesting how HARD asking for help is for me, but when you’re forced into it, there’s no other option.
There are so many good moments in pregnancy too. I can feel his kicks (I started feeling these early at 17 weeks!), and I think it is baby boy’s way of reminding his mommy that she can do this. I put my hands on my belly every night and just pray for him to be healthy and strong, and to take whatever he needs from my body. God, women are so amazing.
I write this blog post in part to tell you that sometimes the things we want the most don’t always come in the ways we anticipate or expect. Or in ways that are easy. Sometimes the things that are the most worth it feel hard or challenging to walk through. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You will always come out it stronger– mentally especially so, and with better perspective and empathy for those going through seasons like it.
If you are in a season of waiting, hoping, praying, trying, wondering, or grieving a loss, my heart goes out to you. Everyone’s story is different, and I think the more can all share our real versions of it, the better.
Thank you for being here, and being a part of mine, and a part of our family’s story.
I will give you another update and all the dirt on how growing the dirt on vegetables baby boy is coming along into the 3rd trimester. Stay tuned. XX